Famous Reincarnations - II

Marvin Gaye
How sweet it is
To be reincarnated as
A grapevine
Doing a handstand to impress a wasp
Or opening a stomata on a hot day
Sidcup

Famous Reincarnations I

Witness the portly form of Benny Hill
Return he did as the humboldt squid
Glassy eye that shines from deep
Ogles posh crumpet in swimsuits

Tentacles grope up from inpenetrable depths
A screaming breast and labial shriek
And suddenly
The horde in mania released
To find that beak.

Humboldt squid pursued by throng
Throng in thong
And bronze armour
Lifeguard waving fist in water
Why I ought ta...

Cue Benny Hill theme.

I am a Crow

I am a crow
I can go anywhere
I am a crow
I can go to IKEA!
I can rummage through the displays
I can have a 50p hotdog

But I can also poke out the eye of the man on the till
And fly away
Before the police arrive.

Back at my nest
Digesting my prize
A knock on the nest door arrives
The police flood in
A blur of helmets and truncheons
And put the cuffs on my wings.
They force me to regurgitate
The eye that sat safely
Inside of me

They put me in a cold jail
I shared a cell with Bono
Who had been arrested for tax evasion.
I looked up at Bono
His unnecessary face
Holding many appetising features
And because crows don't have willpower
I pecked out his eye.

And for that
The police
They let me go.

The lesson for crows here is
Keep pecking people's eyes out
And the rewards will come.

Cerumbrella

I fingered a fat girl
In Maryland Chicken
Her fat, greasy nose
Was ripe for the pickin'
I stuck up my arm
Right into her brain
I pulled up inside
As it started to rain

I stayed there for three weeks

Bugger.