The Works of P G Heron

Every so often I get an email from a man calling himself P G Heron. This mysterious character sends me poetry which is clearly the product of a dilated anterior fundus, no doubt brought on by excessive consumption of eggnog. If you wish to read on do be aware that by doing so you risk your eyes turning into soil.

Monday 27 June 2011

Gary Busey

Gary Busey
His teeth
Reflecting broken society with delight
Or perhaps the sound of a crow
Wanking on a US talkshow
If crows can wank that is.
I once saw a Jackdaw
Pecking at a sleeping tramp's jap's eye
Through a hole in his sick-stained suit.
That tramp became Gary Busey.

Horror of magnets

The Horror of magnets
Iron filings in your face
Magnet makes the beard.
Your credit card slain remorselessly
Random killings.
C90 of 80s hits
Mutilated
By an impersonator of the north pole.
Synapses follow the leader
Alignment
Crashes into Boots
In a golf kart
Killing Bono.
Prison
No more magnets.

Tuesday 21 June 2011

Terence Trent Mugabe

Terence Trent Mugabe
Sent himself to Derby
In a mouse's pocket.
"You're an idiot mate",
Left his mouth
And swept
As a spectre
In a breadbin
Into the uninterested sky.
Meanwhile,
Lord Mayor of Derby
Passed a hot stool
Into the uninterested u-bend
And a love affair began.

Sunday 19 June 2011

The monocle

Patrick Moore
Lunar submersible
Stomach like a wooden globe drinks cabinet
Face wrapped around a little glass window
Squinting at diamonds.
Underpants like a sleeping bag
Out under the stars
In a tent full of black and white memories
Of moonwalks and space probes.

And I see his mass expand over the years
Along the Herzsprung-Russell curve
So when Patrick - now  Red Giant trousers
Throws off his gases, recklessly towards his neighbours
Will he turn into a dwarf? A small core?  A bean?
Or maybe all that is left
Shall be his monocle.

Wednesday 15 June 2011

Your Dinner

Your dinner
The Ark Royal
Inedible disaster
Sinking like a singularity
In Stephen Hawkings bed bath
A forlorn dollop of raspberry compote
Has fallen like a body bag
Upon your knee
When will you ever learn
Not to eat at the museum
Of Maritime history
Without your spectacles

Ode To The Western Fundus

Your face,
Like a freshly soiled settee
Hangs upon my synapses
As crabs offer me flowers
To compensate the deviation
That your gravity demands of my cortex
And black, oil slick dreams of Noel Edmonds
Taking his pants off
And peeing in the bread bin
A chutney unveiled
"Great soup, Norman!"